It was past midnight. I had gone to bed a long time ago but sleep refused to come. I was permanently lulled between sleep and wakefulness by the same strange dream.I woke up with a start: somebody must have knocked at the front door. I heard the knocking again. Rather dizzy with slumber I put on my dressing gown, opened the door of the hall a little end asked:"Who's there?" "Me!" answered a voice that failed to suggest any acquaintance."Who, me?" I asked again, putting on the electric light. "What a question to ask, Mr Forfecaru! Haven't you received my telegram?" shivered the voice in the frost outside. "Telegram? What telegram?" "If you want me to explain, please open the door. Why do you have me shiver in the frost? Can't you see I'm frozen to death?"The man was perfectly right, If I wanted him to explain what telegram I had failed to receive, I had to let him in. So I did. He rushed in together with a gust of the blizzard outside and threw his open arms at me. "How are you, Mr Forfecaru?" I remained motionless. I was staring at him but at all couldn't derive any suggestion from the features of his countenance. It was not at all a clear one: his eyes were like snails, while his arms threatened to encompass me like the huge clutches of an octopus. His hair was reddish and tousled and there was something gluey in his whole being. His speech, his gestures, his glance… everything seemed to stick to people and things. Instinctively, on seeing him approach me, I was as disgusted as if I had touched a toad. I answered coldly:"Forgive me, Sir, but I haven't had the honour of meeting you!""Impossible! Aren't you doctor Forfecaru?""I'm sorry to say I'm not. You certainly mistake me for…""Your brother, isn't that so?" he cut in. "You're right. Undoubtedly you must be barrister Forfecaru. It doesn't matter, I know him too!""I'm neither a doctor, nor a barrister!" I tried to convince him. "Then you can only be their cousin, the architect!" he concluded. "But it's all the same. A cousin or a brother for me, this Forfecaru family…"My midnight visitor had rather got on my nerves. To bring our discussion to an end, I told him:"Now, listen, Sir: you must understand once and for all that although my name is Forfecaru, I'm not a member of the Forfecaru family… I'm neither a doctor, nor a lawyer, neither cousin nor brother… I'm merely Forfecaru the journalist-" "That's just what I was about to say," he put in quietly, in the most natural tone."If you're not the doctor, the lawyer or the architect, you would only be the journalist… I know you too… I read your column and greatly admire you… And let me take this opportunity in order to congratulate you-" "Thank you very much but you'll admit it's hardly the time for congratulations… It's two o'clock at night!""That's right!" he assented. "Let's talk tomorrow. And now let's go to bed!""Good bye!" and I gave him my hand, happy at getting rid of him. "Good bye! Which is my room?"I gaped at him:"I don't understand you, Sir." "How's that? Didn't you receive my cable?" the stranger asked in surprise."I've already told you I haven't.""Strange, very strange but it doesn't matter. The telegram is immaterial since you are not Dr. Forfecaru. He must have received it. In fact its purpose was to have you wait for me and you have waited. Thank you very much.""But I haven't waited for you in the least, Sir!" I strongly denied. "I assure you I was not thinking of you in the least." "There you were wrong, Mr. Forfecaru," he protested with a merry twinkle in his eyes. "Proof of it is the fact that you've opened to me."I had indeed got into trouble with my uninvited visitor. I no longer knew what to do in order to get rid of him. The fire in the stove had gone out a long time before and the chill was rising up my legs like ants under my dressing gown. After a while I ventured:"Well, what's the conclusion?" "As you like it!" he answered, dropping heavily into a wicker armchair. "Thank you for inviting me to sit down, for I was bog tired-""You hardly understood me, Sir! I haven't invited you at all.""Why are you angry over a more polite formula, Mr. Forfecaru?" the stranger tried to tame me. "Didn't you talk of remaining? You asked me to stay overnight and that's what I'm doing! I hardly refuse anybody!"I did not know what to think: was I faced by a lunatic or a prey to some hallucination? I pinched my cheek rather hard, to check my sensitiveness. "Sir, whoever you may be, I am delighted to have met you, but I beg you to understand it is the proper time to leave me alone…" And I rushed at the door, to open it for him. But I could scarcely finish my sentence when a guffaw burst out like a bomb among my words, scattering them. Among the cascades of his laughter, he said: "That's a fairly funny joke! Not bad at all!"I stood stock-still, my hand on the doorknob:"A joke? But I'm not joking in the least, Sir!" Then, gathering up my dressing gown tighter, for fear a sight of my nightgown or some other piece of underdress might somewhat impair the prestige of my justified wrath, I told him: "I once again beg you to leave my house!" "At this time of night?" he put in with much phlegm. "And you have the cheek to say you're not joking! Where would you like me to go in the middle of the night? As a matter of fact it's too late already. If you were reluctant to house me, you shouldn't have let me in. Why did you do that? It's you who asked me in. After all, was I so crazy as to enter your house all of a sudden, like a bolt from the blue? And why precisely yours of all houses? Why didn't I go to your neighbour on the left or right? D'you hold your house to be more distinguished then other ones? Can't you see that all arguments play in my favour?"Then I cried out in despair:"And do you make so bold as to say that I called you?" "What d'you mean bold? It's not at all a matter of being bold. I'm just telling the truth, that is all. Telling the truth doesn't require much boldness. But why should we argue any longer, dear Mr. Forfecaru? I'm not at all angry with you! You lost your temper a little bit: well, what of it? Should I bring you in court for such a little matter? Rest assured. I'm a very gentle man! Let bygones be bygones. I'm fond of you. I want to live in fraternity with you. When I stepped in, happiness did. Together with me happiness also crossed the threshold of this house, you will notice that!" Then, casting a glance at the stove in which no more embers glowed, he exclaimed: "Lord almighty! What am I seeing there? Is your fire out? Well, are you indeed a man who should sleep without a fire in the stove in such a frost as this?" And he rushed to the stove to make a fire."Sir, please don't touch my stove! I don't need a fire and that's final! I'm all right as I am."But, kneeling in front of the stove and trying to revive some dying embers with the help of a handful of splinters, he answered me:"Tell it to the horsemarines! You will never be able to convince me that cold is good for your health. Now really, would you like to fall ill? Would you like your bones to rust? To be gnawed at by rheumatism? Oh God, how lucky that I came, and in the nick of time too… What would you have done without me? My hair stands on end at the mere thought of it! You'd have died…"Exasperated at such cheekiness, I made for him. I was about to seize him by his collar, shake him up and ask him: are you, man, to enter people's houses in the dead of night and to start lording over them?" But he interrupted me with a gesture that downright disarmed me: "Oh, there's no need to thank me! I've only done my duty. And now good night to you!" And he flung himself on the sofa in the hall. I very nearly choked with anger. I made an effort and shouted: "Man, you're going to drive me mad!" But he, who had stretched himself on the sofa, his hands knotted under the nape of his neck, said decisively: "Hush! Don't, drive my sleep away, for tomorrow I have to get up early. And what will your neighbours say if they hear you shouting like this? Have you completely lost your self-respect?" Driven out of my senses, I shouted once again, even louder: "Man, why don't you understand? You'll drive me mad!" Then he jumped to his feet, made a formal bow to me and said: "If you're in earnest, that's different. I'll start talking to you in the same way. So I'll take my cue from you. What d'you want from me, Sir?""To leave my house and let me alone!""I deeply regret it, but now it's too late! You ought to have told me from the very outset-" "What else have I been doing for the last two hours or so?" But he did not allow me to speak:"What you are out to do is perfectly odious! You wait for me, call me, bring me in, take advantage of me, I'm sparing you the threat of catching a bad cold, by lighting a fire for you in your cold stove, and now, after having learnt from me whatever you could learn, now that you have squeezed me like a lemon, you drive me away! Well, that can't be done! I've earned some rights in this house! If you refuse to acknowledge them, other people will. Let the neighbours judge our dispute!" And with a violent motion, he produced a pistol out of his pocket and fired in the air. I started shouting at the top of my voice:"Help! Come and help me! He's trying to kill me!" The neighbours woke up upstairs and next door and started moving. I could hear their agitated, frightened steps, like rats running about when surprised by too bright a light in the dead of night. Within minutes they flooded my house: "What is it? What's happened?" Each of them held either some gnarled walking-stick or a pistol, or else some sidearm. A former skipper of a merchant ship brought a Turkish scimitar. And doctor Blumenberg who lives on the third floor held a pistol in each hand and yet did not dare to enter. In the meantime, my demented visitor had thrown his weapon at my feet and had taken off his coat. As soon as he saw the neighbours rush in, he yelled, all a-tremble:"He wanted to kill me!""How dare you?" I burst out with an angry gesture. "Of course I dare! he grinned provocatively. "You've tortured me long enough! But now, I'm no longer afraid!" 'Then he addressed the neighbours: "You all saw how he tried to hit me even now, with you present. I've got witnesses. That's why I've called you all. You must be our judges!" "Oh, but what's been going on here?" courageously interfered Dr. Blumenberg after he had made sure the danger was over. I started telling my neighbours all I knew. But my annoying stranger kept making impatient gestures. Then he suddenly interrupted me:"This gentleman is scoffing at you! Nothing is true of all he has said! Listening to him is like reading a tale of imagination. This is how things happened: I was quietly sleeping on that sofa over there-" "Dr Blumenberg (for he was now acting the judge), please ask him how he had come to sleep on my sofa?""That's not at all the doctor's business. And d'you really think he doesn't know what questions to ask? Did I ask you how you had come to sleep in your bed? Where would we reach if we kept investigating how each of us has come to the bed where he sleeps!" "But this happens to be my house!" I explained. "That's not true either, gentlemen!" he protested, this gentleman is a tenant here, very much as you are and as I could be. Can't you see how he tries hard to distort the truth? Moreover, I'm his guest.""Is he or is he not your guest?" Dr Blumenberg asked me impatiently."He's nothing of the kind!""Yes, I am!" he insisted. "Didn't I wire your I was coming, didn't you wait for me, didn't you let me in yourself?" "I haven't received any telegram!" I put in, unfortunately giving an irrelevant answer."That's not my fault if postal services are bad but I for one did my duty to cable you… And you let me in three days ago!""Well, did you or did you not open the door for him?" the doctor asked me growing ever more impatient. "I did, but… not three days ago; barely a couple of hours ago-""He's lying in his throat, gentlemen!" the stranger shouted. "I've been living in this house for three days now!""Since you yourself let him in, what's all this empty talk, Sir?" the former merchant navy skipper threw out while yawning."Since you opened your door to him, he's your guest," Dr Blumenberg decided judicially."Yes, sir, I'm his guest… I'm even more than that… I'm his cousin… I'm his own brother. And I love him like a brother… And I have come to his house with a pure heart, with honest thoughts… I wanted to be indeed a brother to him, being convinced I'd bring him happiness… But, ungrateful as he is, he has mocked me… He let me sleep in the cold, on that wicker sofa, close to a fireless stove, while he was sprawling ensconced on eiderdown mattresses snug-a-bed in a well-heated room… I could have died… But out of love for him I made a fire in that stove… It was then that he savagely rushed at me and wanted to throw me out and attempted to shoot me… Now you must judge yourselves who is to blame… I promise you to submit to your judgment whatever it is like."Saying this, tears were rolling down his cheek like beads. The neighbours started murmuring:"What a brute!" "We must have the law of him." And usurer Nisipeanu was louder than all in his protestations:"How inhumane!" Murmurs quieted down when Dr. Blumenberg started speaking: "You see, Mr. Forfecaru, everybody's against you… Try and cater for your guest satisfactorily… You must be more hospitable to him, for God's sake… Humour him as if you would like to be honoured… Give him your own room and bed… Had the gentleman done me the honour he did you, that's how I'd have welcomed him!" Then the eyes of my strange visitor twinkled happily and their reddish glint seemed to tell the doctor: "The time is not yet lost. I could come any time!"But the doctor soon cooled the man's enthusiasm with a deprecating gesture that signified: "Stay where you are! I wouldn't bereave the gentleman (he meant me) of the luck that has come his way!"Then the neighbours scattered, still whispering angrily: "Poor man!" "What a shame!" "The cheek of throwing him out in the dead of night!" Early next morning, rubbing his hands with joy, my visitor announced me he had also had a mother-in-law and a wife."And where are they?" I asked, with a hunch of the danger that threatened me."I expect them by the midday train!"
by Petre Locusteanu (1883-1919)
