"Emptyyyy bottles! Buyyyyyyyyin'!" This dramatic call, like that of the ancestors, which we have all heard at one time or another in Bucharest slums, reminded me of what happened to a friend of mine – it could be a comic thing, if it was not tragic – who went to Sovata to relax, with a trade union ticket. It shows how a common citizen can get totally desperate because of a bottle. Incredible! you will say. Still… Sovata is not exactly the closest spa to Bucharest. To get there, you need to change about two trains, get on a bus, fight baggage like a hero, quarrel with the accommodation management for two hours or so, but finally, when this nightmare is over, you get two weeks of well-deserved relaxation, fresh air, and salty baths in the thermal lake right in the center of the spa. Thinking about those two weeks, my friend fought the difficulties of his journey and of getting accommodated in villa no. 32, and after his first day in this spa for women who have reproduction difficulties, he felt wonderful, everything was on the right track! In the evening he took a shower, combed his hair nicely, put on a light suit, like any man on vacation, and he went to one of the many restaurants around, to have dinner. From the very beginning he was amazed at the low prices, much lower than in common Bucharest joints, then he got delighted with the locals' cooking art. He had a beer, too. Here I have to mention that my friend is no big drinker, on the contrary I could say, but this Reghin beer, the best in Romania, was cool and gave him a pleasant feeling of freshness. This is why, when the waiter showed up with the check, my friend asked him to put on another beer for home, already thinking about the pleasure he would have when he was going to savor it in the villa lobby, watching the series on television. "Sorry," he heard the waiter say, "that's impossible!" "Excuse me?" my friend did not understand. "No beer for home, you can't, unless you bring a bottle in exchange!" Unbelievable! How could the man who had just arrived in the spa get an exchange bottle? My friend smiled, thinking this waiter was maybe crazy. "All right," he said then. "I'll buy the bottle, too!" "Your money isn't good, there's nothing I can do with it! I need a bottle back!" "Listen, man, I'll bring it to you tomorrow, I'll bring it back to you!" my friend got angry. "Well, let's hope so," the waiter accepted, not without some doubts about my friend's character, who went back to the villa, however, triumphantly holding a Reghin beer bottle, which he was going to take back empty to the waiter, shattering the man's doubts. Except – this was bad luck! He had barely opened the bottle to take a few sips in the villa lobby in front of the television, that the villa cat, which probably did not know the new guest, climbed on top of the table and toppled the full bottle, and the next moment all my friend could offer to the waiter was a dust pan full of green pieces. I would like to see any of you on Sunday morning, namely the next day, walking up and down all over Sovata trying to buy a beer bottle, full or empty, it does not matter, I want to see if anybody succeeds! My friend spent a week asking all waiters, all vendors, nobody would hear of it. They would give him foreign beer if he wanted, but that was in different kinds of bottles, he could not burn that poor waiter so badly and bring him a different kind of bottle. After a nightmare week, more bad luck! As he was walking the streets dizzy, not knowing what to do anymore, who does my friend run into? Of course, the waiter, with a charming, blonde, very attractive young lady. My friend froze. The waiter stopped right in front of him, stared at him, his right hand around the blonde's waist, and he took his left hand to his check, slightly rapping it with his index finger. "Now I know what kind of a man you are!" he says. "You're not serious!" And he went away, disgusted. The next day my friend packed and went back to his family. It was very hard for him to get well, and he had to take very strong medicines for that. Romania is my country. I love it and will never leave it. It is the only country in the world where the wrapping is worth more than the product inside.
by Cătălin Ţîrlea (b. 1964)
