The three of them are filling in soccer betting slips and drinking cold beer. About the beer they seem to agree. Over the match results there is much argument. "Cut my head off if these don't lose," the one in an otter fur hat says.The one in the very large rimmed hat is of the opinion that the same team will not lose "by no means."The third one is in doubt."I say it's a draw."Small row between friends. Doesn't look like they would come to terms too quickly, though.I am quietly sipping my watery tasteless drink, the color of leaks, served to me under the name of kiwi."Let's ask the gentleman here," and the otter hat points to me."I say, sir," he approaches me respectfully, "If you please. Could you help us humble people with a piece of advice? You look the learned person, gov'nor.""What is it that makes you think that?""Oh, but your overcoat, sir," says the round hat with a sweet smile.How could I say no?"What's your problem then?""We'd be so happy if we could come across the right results on this betting slip. Only, you see, we know so little, sir.""You mean the soccer bets! What a pity! I'm truly sorry. I know absolutely nothing about soccer. I can't tell a foul from a striker, believe me."The three of them are staring at me. Have I just landed in here though the ceiling?"It's not the game we want to ask you about." The third one in a large checkered muffler sets things straight. "We know the game all right. It's about these Italian towns, damn them. It's them we know nothing about."I have to admit that in this respect I might be of some help. I encourage them to start asking their questions."Look here. Tomorrow Ancona plays Modena." He places the stress on the first syllable of both names."They are called Ancona and Modena with a stress on the second syllable," I say. "We followed the pronunciation of the radio announcers," the checkered muffler excuses himself."Don't follow the radio or television announcers blindly. Last night I heard them call the playwright Durenmatt Alfred while his true name is Friedrich. They also pronounced the name of Jason from the antic play Medea with the stress on the second syllable instead of the first as it would have been correct."The three football fans look at one another in confusion and declare, "We know nothing of such things. What team does he play for?""For an all star team," I explain without malice. "But let's discuss towns. Isn't that what you wanted?""True, sir, indeed. Where is Ancona?""In northern upper Italy, on the Adriatic coast. I have been there once.""You don't say!" All the three exclaim and grasping their beer glasses suddenly draw their chairs close around me."What's the weather like there, sir? Is it warm?""Oh, yes. They have a very mild climate. A bit too moist perhaps.""Swell." The round hat gives the others a nod. "What about Modena?""Oh, that one is much higher. It lies on a plain at the foot of the mountains.""Then that's it! You see? The hat starts. "They are higher, they are near the mountains, they will surely beat the softer moist ones from near the water. Put in a 1 as I said from the first."The checkered muffler fills in the slip obediently."Now Cosenza. I pronounced it right, didn't I, sir?"I confirm."Cosenza and Udine. Who beats who?""That I can't tell. All I can say is that Cosenza is a forlorn tiny town somewhere in the south of the peninsula while Udine is in the north, a heavily industrialized town.""Ha, ha, ha," the black hat explodes. "Give it a 2! The ones in the highlands will baffle them!"The next match opposes Genoa and Savona, two neighboring towns along the same railway. It is thrown an "X". Next, I know nothing about Ascoli but in exchange I have visited Livorno on the Ligurian Sea coast. I give them a short description of the statues there, of the tall church and also of a huge Caravaggio painting. The town is proclaimed an indisputable winner."That's beyond all doubt!" all the three agree.We lastly resolve to give an "X" to the next match, Bologna vs. Ferrara, my stories mentioning a sensational pizza in Bologna while Ferrara recorded The Ducal Palace and Ariosto's stopping there as a traveler.All results are happily written on the slip."Your health! Cheers!" and the three glasses of beer meet my kiwi."I say, sir, would you do us the favor of having a beer with us again here next Tuesday? There will be some matches between German teams. Have you visited Germany?"I have."Swell!" the otter hat rejoices. "See that?" he pats the round hat that covers a face with a big moustache. "Your mother wasn't good to you. She didn't kick you off to school. We could've given you then the beer we shall treat this gentleman next time."We agree thus to meet again, let's say, about four in the afternoon.
by Valentin Silvestru (1924-1996)
