Mitzu and Barutzu have grown up some and started conspiring. In the brief reprieves between a lot of hair-pulling and two-way jostling, with their generation's interests in mind, they eventually realize they are in duty bound to organize against the big guns: Mummy and Pappy, uncle Sesis and aunt Tatana. Experience has taught them that their freedoms are abridged by rules and dogmas. In the moral order nothing is allowed, while in the material order everything is under lock. The darned fiends have stretched perversion down to the refinement of having cupboards with locks, further secured by a metal bar passing through the bolt. For all the motionless gentleness with which the cupboards would allow themselves to be rummaged, actually it's like they are not even there because, in fact, they rest in the pockets of the oppressors, some with Mummy, others with Pappy. From the kitchens to the bedrooms, you stumble on a whole line of wardrobes and chests of all sizes and heights. There is no room without at least one wardrobe. One may wonder what is the purpose of wardrobes if there are rooms, and what is the use of rooms if there are wardrobes, keys to rooms and keys to wardrobes. It's absurd. And this mania of lock keys goes even further. Even if you do manage to get into a locked wardrobe, and forage into it, you may very well stumble on locked drawers, and in drawers, on locked boxes. Preposterous! Once, Barutzu saw the door of a wardrobe ajar and called Mitzu right away. They had finally discovered the road into the big secrets and so they both went into the wardrobe. Theirs was a serious disappointment, as they found themselves among trousers and skirts hanging on hooks. And then more locked drawers. That was a four-door wardrobe and in the middle it also featured several shelves, going up to the top. It's so inconvenient to be little, and above all, so unfair! It's the same guys who are to blame for your being small: after all, they could have made you big in the first place, and not make you wait as long as it pleases them, some twenty years. There's a sort of secret understanding between parents all over the world. They make believe they quarrel for all sorts of pretexts when, in fact, they perfectly agree with each other: children must be small and stay small all life long. Wouldn't Barutzu love to grow a moustache? Why shouldn't he have one? Wouldn't Mitzu love to wear mother's skirts? Why can't she? Because she's kept small on purpose, so that she can't doll herself up.They dragged chairs to the wardrobe, climbed on them, only to stumble again on locked boxes. Why did those guys lock everything if not to spite them? This situation had to end. It was intolerable. They smooched you hypocritically all day and then they hid everything from you. No more, sir! They wanted sincerity and everything out in the open – all or nothing.The noise of an explosion came from above and a sort of moaning shout burst forth."Where are the kids?" asked Pappy."They were here a moment ago. I don't know where they ended up," replied Mummy, terrified.They dashed upstairs on both sides, and beheld a dramatic show taking place in the bedroom. The big four-door wardrobe was toppled on Mitzu and Barutzu. It took half an hour to pull them out of the wreck, out of the clothes, the underwear and socks. Like an avalanche of bedeviled items, the wardrobe and all the wooden and cardboard boxes had tumbled on their backs, each striking them somewhere. An umbrella had hit Barutzu's nape like a beak and the mischief-maker was shouting hard, claiming it had "killed" him.That was the first genuine revolution in the family, and the wounded, tended to in the household infirmary, with ointments and lotions, regained their normal, deflated shapes only after four days, just as long as it took to put everything back in place. Lifting the wardrobe alone was a matter that lasted half a day, as it had been dismembered with a screw driver and put back piece by piece.Modest and ingratiating, Barutzu expected a thrashing but Mummy spared him, thankful the wardrobe had caught him inside and had not crushed him."You don't spank me, Mummy?" Barutzu asked."I am happy at least he's conscious and logical," said Pappy like an infatuated person.In the most difficult circumstances, he always said high-fallutin' words, for the same reason: hiding his thoughts from them."God struck you already," replied Mummy.So God too was in connivance with them… This was not life, this was not freedom. When Pappy failed to see you steal up the stairs, then God was after you. There was no escaping this bunch. What was Barutzu then? A toy, a mockery?The case was tried when the bandages were taken off. Barutzu garnered a deep scar on his leg. The tip of his finger was bitten off by a box in which he had shoved it to lift the lid. He had been pulled out of the caboodle with his finger caught in the metal opening. Obviously, in the act. He wanted to pry the lid open but God didn't help him because He is in league with parents. How could children have a good opinion of Him when He keeps on policing kids on behalf of those guys?The Colonel and Tatana were subpoenaed to show up for the trial and the Jury also contained the cats, in their quality as defense because they, the dogs and the hens are in cahoots with them. For special reasons, related to the administration, the hens, the ducks and the geese, despite the request of the defendants for the hearing to be widely publicized, were not part of the jury. Rooster Ionitza limited itself to picking up information from the vicinity of the window, raising its eyes and, from time to time, communicating truncated information to the people. The colonel came in his uniform, decorations pinned to his chest. Seeing he had also "Michael the Brave" on, Barutzu realized he was up a creek without a paddle. Especially that, irrespective of his smile, uncle Sesis paid no attention to him."Don't look at me like that," Pappy drew his attention. "It's too late. I've already sent you to Court Martial and you'll be tried according to the Military Code of Justice."That was the end of it, and no way out. He'd rot in jail.To observe the solemn justice-serving atmosphere, the defendants were kept in the corridor leading to the bathroom. Going into the meeting room, the Colonel coughed to clear his voice and his sword clanked against the flooring as on a heavy gallows slab. "Ready?" said Kati, ringing the bell once used to call her to the dining room. "Ready" they replied. The bailiff who called the defendants was the Colonel's orderly. Now Barutzu would see what a colonel meant. He was no longer Sesis in civvies, in whose lap he usually sat royally and whose goatee he would pull, being accepted with mild tolerance. A thick braid and three thin ones: all in all, four gold braids. And the epaulettes. Not to mention the sword: it could be drawn out, long as it was, and cutting, so cutting. With this sword the colonel had killed one thousands Turks at Mărăşeşti, it seems.The orderly called out the first defendant. Mitzu wanted to come in too. It was not permitted. Everyone in his or her turn. The defendant, with downcast eyes, was brought in by the orderly. The Reverend had arrived too, nobody knew when. He was waiting on a chair, at the jury table. All the authorities were there. The Colonel began to speak with a pen in his hand as documents were also being drawn up."Take your hands from your back, sit straight and answer us."Barutzu could not sit straight or put his hands in front of him for in one hand he had some balls and in the other a croissant."What is your name?" asked the Colonel President.Barutzu got scared. Uncle Sesis had forgotten his name!"Barutzu!" replied Barutzu drawing out the word."What name is this?…This is no courtroom name…Tell us your legal name!"Barutzu looked at Pappy but Pappy no longer had his eyes on him. He peeped then at Mummy, but neither Mummy was looking. Then he turned his eyes to Tatana, but she was not glancing at him either. He had to deal only with Sesis, who was no longer Sesis, but the Colonel, and President."I asked you your name and you didn't reply. Answer me.""I don't know," Barutzu said and a tear came to each eye because of being faced with such an insulating solitude."How old are you?" the President tried a different question. He thought hard, despondently. Yet he didn't know that either. Instead he remembered what servant Petre once replied to the same question when he was hired. "I am old," Barutzu answered. The unexpected reply upset the jury very much so that at a cue from the Colonel, the defendant was quickly taken out and sent to the bathroom so that the jury had the time to laugh."How do we get out of this mess?" Sesis said. "We need imagination." Taken to the bathroom, Barutzu cried alongside Mitzu, who started to cry too, seeing him weep."What did he do to you, mother's darling?" Mitzu asked."Sesis no longer knows my name," Barutzu moaned, feeling he was experiencing something that entitled him to being desperate."You told them I too got hold of the wardrobe?" Mitzu asked."I didn't say anything…""You told them we looked for Mummy's earrings?"Barutzu denied it, making a noise with his tongue like a suckling pig.The orderly showed up."The two of you are called in."Barutzu made room for his sister to go in."You enter first," Mitzu enjoined him."You do," Barutzu said. "I already went in once."The rumor at the door of the hall made Sesis open up."So you're bickering again?" the Colonel asked, having taken off his sword and cap. "We have just started trying the wardrobe case…"Each the kids began explaining something at the same time so that nobody could understand a thing."Sit down!" said uncle Sesis.Barutzu ran to Mammy, and Mitzu to Pappy. The solemn air was dissolved. There was no table in the middle of the room any more, and no jury sitting still on the chairs. Barutzu felt he was gaining more confidence."Look what we've decided," said uncle Sesis. "We won't try you any more, we won't punish you!" (The kids jumped on him and kissed him.) "We give you the keys to all the closets. (Enthusiasm.) You keep them on you…When anybody needs something from a closet or wardrobe, you search it and take out everything necessary."Then ring after ring and bunch after bunch, out of pockets, from belts and pegs, the keys were put in a heap on the table and entrusted to them: the keys of the entire house, the entire yard, the cellar, the storehouses, the coops, the pickles closet, the pantry and the linen, the coal storeroom and the books cases."From now on you take care of everything and Pappy and Mummy will lay back and play. You make tea, dinner, you spread the butter on toast, you work and bring in money. Pappy and Mummy have resigned and right now they'll go in the yard and swing. You prepare dinner for we'll eat with you."On second thoughts, Mitzu and Barutzu would have preferred being tried and sentenced. There were about one hundred keys in front of them and they started examining the lot: some with a whole, others with pins. They all looked alike, just a simple crook differentiated one from another."Today it's still us who prepare dinner," Mammy said. "You take the keys and go to the wardrobes. See what's in each of them so that you know and then you keep the keys on you. You take four rings and you other four."Somehow hesitating, still very pleased, the kids tried all the wardrobes but none opened. They took the keys one by one and backwards, ring after ring, they tried to push the knobs with their knees, they put out their tongues so that the keys worked more smoothly. To no avail. Then they were called to have some soup:"Dinner, kids!"One ring after another was presented to Mummy on the table, eight in all, filled with long and short keys."Here they are!" said Mitzu."I give them back to you!" said Barutzu.Not one of them fitted.
by Tudor Arghezi (1880-1967)
